Turn the Tables: reversing roles to learn perspective and decision making in polyamory

As a hostess of a large, monthly polyamory event, I speak with a broad range of people in different stages of their polyamory. Loads of people ask for advice. As you can imagine, the questions I get are on a broad spectrum. Through the inevitable discussions that follow, a lot of my own polyamorous practices and philosophies have been refined. In my now twenty+ year endeavor, it occurs to me that one of the very most important tools every one of us has is perspective.

“Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in.” ~Shannon L. Alder

When you start counting your experience with polyamory in decades instead of months or years, you reach a point where you strip complications out of most equations. So, often my reply to requests for advice has been this: Shift your perspective to their perspective. If the roles were reversed, what would you want? Many of our own questions can be answered if we simply ask ourselves what we would do in the other person’s shoes acheter viagra parapharmacie. If I ask my partner where he is coming from and I try to wear my partner’s perspective as my own and fit myself into that space, I find him. I understand his needs. I would want that kind of consideration in return. This is who my partner deserves. SO when you’re upset because your boyfriend has two girlfriends and you can’t find a boyfriend of your own, ask yourself how you’d want them to behave if the table was turned and do right by your partner by giving the best, most considerate you.

The ability to shift your perspective and see another’s perspective is a priceless tool as you pursue open relationships with multiple people. All too often, relationships struggle because someone doesn’t feel considered enough or like little value is placed on their opinions or wants. It will be helpful going forward to learn how to utilize shifting your perspective to understand and grow with your partner in terms of communication, of course, but a great aid to understanding your partner’s train of thought overall. This is the essence of relating.

Decide what the best version of you would do out of love and regard for the situation and your partner’s place and role therein and choose to offer that to the situation. Alternatively, ask your partner how you can best understand their perspective. Motivation matters; when we understand where another person is coming from, we narrow the passageway for miscommunication and misinterpretation of intentions. Next time you need advice, take a step outside of your own experience and ask yourself what you would want your partner to do for you and try emulation of that which you would desire in the same scenario with tables turned. When we face one another in awareness, seeing perspective and motive is much less complicated and we are in a new, more powerful and useful position of understanding the needs of others, ourselves and our relationships.

-Shay Laroussini